Who We Are
by Maduin
Summary: Sumeragi Subaru faces his worst challange yet, dealing with his own pain from Seishirou's death, while the final day approaches.
1. Chapter 1~ Christmas

The Tragedy- Who We Are Inside---Part 1 

**who we are inside**

  
  
_Christmas~_   
  
The shadow's of night started from the east, creeping over the city like a velvet blanket, entrapping the light in darkness. Leaning against what looked to be a door was a figure caught in a shade of white, a trench coat obviously, with a single emerald eye breaking the darkness. He tilted his head up to catch a single snowflake falling from the sky above. Subaru frowned as the snowflake melted into water on his palm. Had so much time truly passed? He wondered to himself if anyone else had noticed his disappearance. Almost six months now, and he had yet to speak to the others. The others like him, he once thought. But as time started to drift he realized he wasn't really anything like anyone else anymore. He wasn't really.. alive.   
  
He closed his eyes and shivered softly in the winter's grasp, the wind penetrating his thin clothing. So much had probably happened. He wondered to himself if he was a coward for staying away from it all. Shaking his head, he shivered and leaned his head up to the sky, glancing at the golden glow of the moon. It was full. Stranger still, it was also Christmas night. He peered a little, wondering how often the moon rose to it's fullest on the night of Christmas Eve.   
  
"Subaru?" a familiar voice whispered from the street. Subaru cocked his head over to face the street, amused by the sudden voice. "Kamui," he replied in an ever-so-slightly cynical tone. Since Seishirou's death, he had been all too eager to treat the boy with cruelty. It seemed unlike him, but he wanted to make Kamui suffer. He couldn't help it. He was in pain, and wanted the other to share it. They had a lot in common.   
  
Sensing the defiance in Subaru's tone, Kamui turned his head down. He always knew when Subaru was hurting, they were friends afterall, and friends can usually tell this sort of thing. Subaru glared down at his boots. He knew he would soon become Kamui's enemy, and their friendship would end. He wasn't sure if Kamui could take anymore betrayal. Hell, he couldn't, afterall.   
  
Subaru looked up at the younger man and cocked his head to the side, trying to decipher the blank expression on Kamui's face. He couldn't. He never was good at reading facial expressions, let alone Kamui's blank expression that seemed to scream out for someone to drive a fist into that twisted frown. Why must Kamui always frown? The thought pissed him off, so he turned his eyes away.   
  
"Subaru... are you mad at me?" Kamui choked out, feeling very insignificant under Subaru's glare. Subaru blinked a few times then turned to face Kamui. Surprised at the look of sadness, he jerked his head quickly in response. "I don't think you should talk to me anymore, Kamui," he muttered, pulling himself from the wall. Kamui nearly choked on his own tongue, but didn't attempt to stop Subaru as he started away. How could he? Subaru was a lot older, and probably knew more about what he was talking about anyway. Despite this, Kamui still had the urge to ask why. But he didn't. He couldn't, the firmness in Subaru's voice was overtaking and left him thoughtless. Instead, he turned and started off the other direction.   
  
Subaru, however, walked down the alley and to the building's more northern side, where he stopped to light a cigarette. How the hell could he be so cold, especially on Christmas? He glared at the snow beneath his booted feet. He couldn't help it, he knew he and Kamui were enemies. They were enemies the day he took that box from the Dragon of Earth's Kamui. He wanted to turn around and apologize, still. But he knew he couldn't---it was for the best.   
  
After a few moments of silent agony and anger, Subaru started off again, head bowed as he twisted about the many sidewinding streets in a steady path, walking as if subconsciously. He knew where he was going better then he knew anything else. The place held a special place in his heart. A place no one or thing could fill. An emptiness better left that way. He was heading toward Ueno Park. The place of her death, and the place he met Seishirou. Two events that would undoubtably forever change him, be it for better or worse.   
  
It wasn't a long walk, so naturally Subaru wasn't tired when he reached the largest tree in the park. He knew, of course, why it was the largest, so of course he was amused at all the on-lookers who were fascinated by it's ethereal beauty. At one time he would have wanted to warn them that one day they may be the source of the sakura's beautiful pink tint. No more, though. Now he simply stood and glared at them. He really was shaping up to be quite grumpy, but he couldn't help it. He had two personality choices---be grumpy, or be depressed. The latter made him wish for death, and he knew Hokuto would never forgive him if he fell that low. So grumpy it was.   
  
After the crowd of awe-inspired onlookers headed off, Subaru slipped through the Sakura's limbs to it's trunk, looking up at it, almost in tears. He bit his lips in an attempt to hold back his tears but to no avail. He missed Seishirou, no doubt about that, but on Christmas the loneliness he felt was the most painful of all his feelings, and the most dominating. Perhaps that was why he had been so cold to Kamui. Again, another topic he wasn't sure he was ready to face. Everytime he thought about Kamui, he saw himself, even down to the death of Hokuto and Seishirou's betrayal. Of course, Fuuma was still alive, so Kamui still had something to live for. The thought angered him. He wanted Kamui to be alone, too. At least then he'd feel like he had someone to confide in.   
  
Subaru blinked as a single, pink blossom fell from the highest branch in the tree to his shoulder. He turned his eyes to it, a bit confused by the sight of it. Why was it blossoming in the winter? He shrugged it off. This was, afterall, the Sakura Barrow. He shouldn't put anything past it. For some reason, he felt like he could hear it speaking to him. He blinked, and remembered what Fuuma had told him, "If you use it, you'll inherit all the powers of the Sakurazukamori.." He blinked again. So the tree could talk? But he hadn't used Seishirou's eye, yet anyway.   
  
"You're still Seishirou's successor, Subaru," a familiar tone purred from near by. Subaru's eyes wandered to Fuuma's form, leaning against another tree near by. How ironic that both of them would visit him in one night. "Don't you have someone else's Christmas to be ruining?" Subaru responded in a rather rude tone. Fuuma smiled, "I'm ruining your Christmas? One would think it was already ruined, Subaru." Subaru looked away as if struck by lightning. He hated it when someone proved him wrong, especially now when nothing more about him seemed like it could be wrong. He was overly skinny, deathly pale, and was in need of serious counceling. Whats more, he knew all of this, and didn't even care. He didn't, he realized, care about much anymore. Afterall, everyone important to him was dead now. Dead because of him, he thought sadly. He had a strange habit of blaming himself for things, but this was something he knew he probably could have changed. If only time was able to be altered!   
  
"Isn't it ironic?" Fuuma whispered, interupting Subaru's stream of thoughts. "Huh?" Subaru blinked, having been lost in his own thoughts for too long. Fuuma smiled. "Isn't it ironic, that the leader of the Sumeragi Clan, deadliest enemies with the Sakurazukamori, would eventually himself be the Sakurazukamori?" Fuuma's voice was rather amused, much to Subaru's discomfort. He hadn't thought about that. He was both now, and he couldn't change it. He suddenly felt like his stomach had been ripped out and thrown to dry in an african desert. Fuuma smiled at Subaru's look of sudden grief, and though he knew he didn't need to ask, he did, "What? Are you going to end the Sakurazukamori assassin organization with you? Or are you going to end the Sumeragi Clan? Tick-tock goes the clock, the choice is yours alone."   
  
Subaru looked up and glared, obviously frustrated with Fuuma's mockery. He suddenly wanted to go apologize to Kamui, and hope he could make amends. But he didn't, and he didn't know why. He blinked a few times, having noticed Fuuma had walked off. Again, he blinked, not sure how to respond. After he saw that Fuuma walked off, he turned to the tree in thought again. "You're still Seishirou's successor.." his mind reminded him in a quick memory of Fuuma's words. "Isn't it ironic?" He felt his eyes start to narrow. Even though he didn't like it, Fuuma had been right. He had to chose what to do, be the Sumeragi Clan leader, or the Sakurazukamori, and the choice was not only an unfair one, but a hard one as well. He sighed. Why did his life have to start going into fuck-up mode on Christmas?   
  
Almost instinctively he looked to his wrist, as he had recently started wearing a watch. The face of the watch read 2:13, and Subaru blinked. It was Christmas day. He looked up at the stars, barely visable between the sakura's outstreached limbs. The burning stars twinkled brightly and Subaru smiled somewhat. The stars always made him smile, for some reason. He couldn't help it, perhaps it was because when he was younger someone once told him when you die you go to the stars, and a lot of people he cared about were now dead. He lowered his head again, and walked off through the snow toward his apartment.   
  
The alarm went off at 12:05pm. Subaru grunted in displeasure and glared at it. He definitely had to reset that damn thing sometime soon. Or turn it off completely. Sighing, he sat up and looked around his empty apartment. "Merry Christmas, Subaru," he whispered aloud to himself, as if to assure himself that it was Christmas. He hadn't realized how long he had slept, but it was nearly ten hours. He blinked a few times, then rubbed at his eyes. Yawning, he stood up and walked across the hard wood floor to the window. Tokyo was, as always, busy. Even on Christmas. He shivered, having only just realized he had forgotten to turn the heat on. Instinctively, he grabbed a blanket off his bed and wrapped it around his shoulders, then stalked off to the kitchen.   
  
After a few minutes of staring randomly at the coffee pot, he sighed. How he wished he'd set the auto-turn on function. He fumbled around the cabnets for a few minutes before dumping hot chocolate powder into a cup, and water into a kettle, then he snaped on the stove. Then he headed back into the other room, throwing his blanket down and put on a warmer shirt, and turned on the heat. "It's so cold.." he muttered, glaring at the window. A few seconds later the kettle made a squealing noise, and Subaru slipped off into the kitchen quickly. He took the kettle off the stove and poured some water into the hot chocolate mix, and turned off the stove. Then he sat down the kettle, and stirred his hot chocolate. "What a lovely Christmas breakfast.." he thought to himself, sipping the hot chocolate slowly.   
  
A knock at the door surprised Subaru, who walked to answer it still holding his hot chocolate. He blinked a few times, surprised to see Kamui and Yuzuriha who were both holding two large boxes. "From the others. The girls got you that," Kamui cocked his head to Yuzuriha to make his point, "and Seiichirou, Sorata and I got you this." Subaru blinked and moved, letting the two of them in without a word, but the look on his face seemed to say more then he could anyway. He was surprised. Kamui set his box on the floor while Yuzuriha put the one she was holding on Subaru's bed. "Er.. would you like some hot chocolate?" Subaru offered, trying to make conversation though desperately failing. Yuzuriha bounced up and smiled, "I'll get it! You look sick anyway," and with that, she hurried off to the kitchen.   
  
"Subaru, are you alright?" Kamui inquired, blinking at Subaru's lost expression. Subaru turned to him, not really sure what to say, as he wasn't expecting to have company much less get anything for Christmas. He shook his head. "I feel bad, I didn't get you guys anything.." he started and Kamui laughed. "That's alright! We wanted to get you something. We were worried about you.. after.." Kamui paused, watching Subaru as if curious to see if he'd stop him, but instead he decided to end his sentance there. Subaru smiled slightly. "I'm alright now... and I'm not mad at you," he replied faintly. Kamui smiled a little, "I thought you might have been... you seemed upset," he offered, hoping to get an explanation but Subaru shook his head in reply. Then he smiled, and turned to Kamui. "Say, what are you all doing tonight?" he asked with genuine curiousity.   
  
Just then, Yuzuriha had burst back in, carrying two cups of hot chocolate-----one for herself, and one for Kamui. Handing it to him, she smiled and replied, "Well, we're not really sure. We were thinking of all just staying inside, and watching Christmas movies." Kamui nodded in agreement with her. Subaru smiled, "Well.. may I come?" he asked, somewhat unsure. Kamui and Yuzuriha both nodded eagerly. "Of course you can! We'd love for you to come, Mr. Anti-Social!" Yuzuriha teased, smiling. Subaru smiled a little, "I'll bring food, too. Sorry Yuzuriha, no ice-cream," he grinned at her obviously fake pouting. Kamui stood up and shook his head, "We need to go, Yuzuriha. Sorata will be angry if we're not back for lunch. See ya, Subaru!" Subaru nodded, watching Kamui drag a squealing Yuzuriha out, who replied with, "Make sure to open your gifts, Subaru!"   
  
Subaru smiled at the two as Kamui continued to drag Yuzuriha away, then he closed the door. "They got me gifts," he said aloud, again surprised. For a few moments he eyed the two large packages, wrapped in glimmering wrapping paper, wondering what they could be. Then he sat down and grabbed the red one, remembering this to be the one Kamui brought. He slowly tore the wrapping paper off, and blinked at the box. It was plain, and white. He blinked a few more times then opened it. After a few seconds, he burst out laughing.   
  
Inside the box was a large, white trench coat. Subaru smiled at it, trying to calm his irresponsable giggles. He pulled the coat out and examined it, then blinked. It was obviously expensive, judging by the thickness, and the thought of the others buying him gifts made him frown. He didn't have anything for them, and it made him feel bad. But he intended to buy all their favorate foods---he was, afterall, from a very rich estate. His eyes wandered to the green package, and he snatched it from his side, and unwrapped it. Another box. He blinked a few times, genuinely curious as to what Karen, Arashi, and Yuzuriha had found for him.   
  
After fumbling with the tape for a few minutes, which he confirmed was more then likely Karen's idea of a practical joke (it spelled out Subaru & Seishirou) he opened it. Inside was a photograph in a pewter frame in the shape of seven dragons. The photograph was one taken awhile back, but the day still lingered in Subaru's mind. He could still remember the way Sorata had to drag him and Kamui to their spots. The picture was of all the Dragons of Heaven, and the looks on their faces were ranging from terrified to pissed off. He smiled a little and put the picture on his table. Some of his fondest memories were spent with them. A shame it couldn't last forever, but then, nothing is forever.   
  
Subaru smiled a little and stood up, grabbing his boots and slipping them on quickly. If he was going to order all the food he had better do it now. He tied the laces quickly and snatched his new trench coat off the bed. At least he could make use of it, after all, it was snowing outside. Then in a quick motion he slipped out the door and let it bounce shut, then locked it from the outside. He always forgot to lock the door, and usually he didn't mind that. But he didn't want anyone taking his new picture, and the frame had to be expensive. He glared down for a minute. He'd have to find something good to give to each of them, food would not suite after the effort they put into his gifts. It made him smile to think they cared so much, though. He hugged his coat around him for a minute then walked out of the apartment building.   
  
Luckily the streets and resturants weren't that packed, so Subaru made it in and out of each place rather quickly. He looked at his watch, which read 2:21 across the face. He had aproximately one hour and thirty minutes to buy gifts for everyone, then he had to get to the Diet Building, so he'd be there before the food arrived. He wanted to get at least some of it, and if he didn't arrive early he'd be left with only crumbs. He was also trying to feed Sorata's hyper self, after all.   
  
Subaru walked down the snow-covered street slowly, head bowed in thought, twirling the straw of his hot cocoa (which he purchased at his last stop) in thought. "Enjoying it while it lasts?" a voice replied from near by. Subaru felt his face shift into a scowl as he turned to Fuuma, who was sitting on a bench near by. "Are you stalking me?" Subaru hissed accusingly, sipping some of his cocoa again. Fuuma smiled, "How cheerful of you on Christmas. You act like it's my fault that the one you love is dead!" Fuuma purred in response, smiling at Subaru's obvious annoyance. He always liked getting Kamui riled up, and Subaru and Kamui had a lot in common. Glaring, Subaru walked past him without another word. "So adorable, especially when angry.. just like Kamui," Fuuma smiled a little while Subaru continued walking, playing 'ignore it, and it will go away'.   
  
After shopping for a while, Subaru looked at his watch. It was already 4:37 and he had just finished. Looking shocked, he ran down the street carrying several large bags from random stores. Luckily he had had the packages wrapped when he bought them, or else he'd be in a whole lot of trouble right now. He was running so fast that he didn't even notice Fuuma as he passed him the second time, while Fuuma looked like a hurricane had run him over.   
  
The Diet Building wasn't that far from Subaru's location so he made it at around 5. Luckily enough, too, because the food he ordered was being delivered to arrivate at 5:15. He sighed, panting a bit from loss of breath, and blinked at the twelve eyes all peering at him. He looked a little confused. "What?" he asked curiously, but no one replied for a few minutes. Then Sorata, feeling bold, replied, "I don't think any of us have seen you move that fast, Subaru, and that's saying something since you usually move pretty fast." The others all nodded in agreement, while Subaru arched an eyebrow, "Well.. I was in a hurry," he replied softly, handing each person a gift and sighed. "Thanks, too.." he started but Yuzuriha cut him off. "Nope, no thanking us, Subaru! I told you, we WANTED to get you something." She had made sure to emphasize the wanted part, and Subaru smiled a little. "Don't open those until I leave," he replied. Yuzuriha looked like she was about to protest, but Subaru shook his head and grinned.   
  
A knock on the door stopped the bickering amongst the people, and it took both Sorata and Seiichirou to carry in all the things Subaru ordered. Karen blinked a couple times then turned to Subaru, "Made of money, huh?" she whispered. Kamui couldn't surpress his startled glance, while Yuzuriha also whispered, "You weren't lying when you said you'd order the food.." Subaru plopped down and grabbed something off Seiichirou's hands. "Yea, well.. I'm the master of a wealthy estate, remember?" he reminded them, shoving a round object into his mouth. Kamui snatched one and took a small bite out of it, feeling very, very small. "You look like you haven't eaten for weeks!" he whispered, eyeing Subaru, who swallowed then smiled. "So do you," he replied softly.   
  
The group spent a few hours talking amongst one another, and eating, each with their own Christmas stories to tell, and all seemed all too happy to hear, while Subaru and Kamui seemed more introverted with their stories, and had to be pushed into telling by someone else, begging and pleading. After awhile, Subaru looked to his watch and frowned, "I need to get going, I have a job tomorrow. It's been fun, though.. Merry Christmas," he whispered, and hurried about before anyone could protest to him leaving. Kamui blinked a few times. "Bye.." he whispered, almost sadly. He hadn't had a very good Christmas in awhile, and Subaru being happy made it more joyous. He knew how hard it had to be for Subaru to be happy anymore, so he smiled gratefully at the crumbs on the floor infront of him. 


	2. Chapter 2~ Choices

The Tragedy- Who We Are Inside---Part 2 

**who we are inside**

  
  
_Choices~_   
  
The alarm went off at it's usual time of 12:05pm, causing Subaru to shudder violently and nearly fall off the bed. He really, really needed to change the settings of that alarm. "Damn, I feel like I just went to sleep," he muttered sleepily, grouchy from being woken so suddenly by the annoying beeping noise his alarm made. He sat rigid on the edge of his bed, rubbing his shoulder which had began to hurt only moments before. Then he pulled his hand back to his face and looked at it. Blood. He blinked a couple times, only then realizing he had been attacked in the street by a man the night before. Not that he cared, he wasn't carrying anything of value anyway. The stinging cut, however, did annoy him. He blinked a few more times, wondering why he hadn't fought back. Shrugging it off, he stood up.   
  
After a few minutes of standing dizzily next to his bed, he ambled over to the bathroom to inspect his injuries. His shirt was torn on the shoulder, and the flesh was cut and bleeding. Typical. He sighed and threw his ripped shirt to the side and kneeled to search under the sink for something to clean his wound with. "Does that hurt?" came the echo of a mocking voice. Subaru glared, but never turned to acknowledge the person. He was busy looking for paroxide. "You know, alcohal, though it stings, is better for cuts such as those," Yuuto whispered, pointing at the bruise and cuts on Subaru's shoulder and upper back. For a moment, Subaru paused. "I don't keep alcohal in my apartment, I keep paroxide," he replied, then went back to shuffling through his belongings. After another moment, he found it.   
  
Yuuto brushed a couple strands of blonde hair out of his eyes and blinked a couple times at Subaru, who was now dabbing cottonballs in the paroxide. He groaned a little. "Why does Subaru have to be so freaking girly all the time," he wondered to himself, grabbing a few cottonballs and dabbing them against one of the cuts on Subaru's midback. "You're really hard to keep an eye on, I don't know why I told 'Kamui' I'd do it," Yuuto groaned. Subaru blinked a couple times, then slapped Yuuto away. "Don't touch me, and what does the Dragon of Earth's Kamui want with me?" he blinked a few more times, grabbing some gauze.   
  
Grinning widely, Yuuto leaned back against the wall he was near. "Well... you're one of us, aren't you?" he asked calmly. Subaru narrowed his eyes. He didn't like being compared to most people---especially Yuuto. "I'm nothing like you," he groaned in reply, wrapping some bandages around his sore shoulder. "You'll want to bandage your back, too. Can you do that with onmyoujitsu?" Yuuto responding mockingly, smiling at Subaru's growing annoyance. "Do you intend to help me bandage my back?" he asked half-heartedly. Yuuto grabbed some bandages and wrapped them around Subaru's chest, "Am I supposed to let you bleed to death? I would, you know, if I didn't think 'Kamui' would be seriously pissed at me," he groaned, annoyed with Subaru's unusual behavior, and couldn't help but ask. "Why do you have to act so damn girly?"   
  
Subaru blinked a couple times, not sure how to reply. He didn't think he acted girly. Of course, Yuuto would think anything slightly pretty was "girly" in his eyes. He didn't think highly of Yuuto, and hadn't fretted to show it. He was as rude as he could be, but Yuuto persisted in bugging him. He was ready to strangle the blonde man. "Girly?" he hissed, lost. He hated being confused, he realized. It wasn't a very good feeling, especially when he thought he might be outsmarted by a player like Yuuto. "Well you're feminine. Everything you do is feminine, from the way you walk.. to the way you dab cottonballs in paroxide. It's really quite unnerving," Yuuto replied cooly. He was determined not to let Subaru anger him, though he knew the girly comment must have frustrated Subaru greatly.   
  
Shrugging, Subaru stood up. "It's only unnerving because you're afraid to feel anything for another man. But of course, that makes it even more twisted---you feel nothing for women either. You could say you don't feel anything at all. But that would be wrong too, wouldn't it be?" Subaru was cold in his reply, walking only two steps before Yuuto had his hands around his neck. He was angry, and Subaru had won. "What do you mean by that? Unlike you, fruit boy, I'm perfectly straight," Yuuto defiantly hissed. Subaru merely smiled, causing Yuuto to drop him and step back. "You looked like him when you did that..." Yuuto started, and Subaru's facial expression changed from amused to lost. "Him?" he asked curiously. Yuuto nodded, but didn't explain. He didn't have to, Subaru knew who he meant. What surprised him was being told he looked like Seishirou. He never was told such a thing before, and he knew it wasn't very likely to be true. But Yuuto looked so horrified that he was kind of interested in how he must have appeared.   
  
Subaru shrugged once more, and immediantly slipped to the closet for a shirt. "It's cold outside," Yuuto whispered in response, as if to remind Subaru to wear something warm. The idea of Yuuto feeling concern, again, annoyed him. He knew Yuuto probably couldn't care less if his own mother died, so why did he have to act so.. so fucking pampering around him. The thought made Subaru want to break something, but he put it aside and grabbed a thick black sweatshirt. He always wore long sleeves, so finding one was of course not very hard. He wasn't really worried about being cold, as he had a new coat to wear that was thick and comfortable. He slipped his shirt on quickly and turned to Yuuto, confused. "What do you want, again?" he asked, a little lost. Yuuto shook his head, "'Kamui' wants you to go to the Sakura Barrow." Subaru blinked. He didn't like hearing the name 'Kamui' as it made him think of the fifteen year old one, and not the Dragons of Earth. He sighed.   
  
"When?"   
"This afternoon. Five, if I remember," Yuuto remorsed slightly, sulking against the wall.   
"I'm leaving," Subaru nodded.   
"Okay," Yuuto replied, making no effort to move.   
"That means you're leaving, too," Subaru hissed, annoyed.   
  
After a moment of bickering the two finally calmed down and both left the building, Subaru locking the door after he got Yuuto out. How annoying it was to be followed around like a child, he thought to himself. Then again, in it's own way, it was kind of amusing. Now if only he could think of some place to go, or something to do to pass the time. It was early, and he had a good four and a half hours to burn. He sighed, and finally vanished into the streets.   
  
Meanwhile, from the side of the building a shadowed figure moved. After a few minutes Sorata walked out from the shadows and watched Subaru walk off. "Kamui isn't going to like hearing about this... " he murmured to himself, frowning slightly. He didn't want to be the one to break the news to Kamui that Subaru was hanging around the Dragons of Earth. Actually, he didn't want to have to face a very pissed off Kamui, but that was beside the point. He really didn't have a choice. He sighed, and walked off the other way, not at all his usual cheery self.   
  
Subaru wandered through the half-empty streets, shovelling his feet about the snow almost boredly, watching piles tumble among one another. He sighed and looked at his watch, wandering around in a circle for a couple minutes before directing himself to Ueno Park. He didn't really want to go there, but he didn't think he really had a choice. Obviously, if he didn't, Yuuto would be crammed down his throat again. He had the sinking suspiscion that Fuuma had purposely sent Yuuto, to emphasize his request, and as a sort of threat. He narrowed his eyes, staring off into space as he walked.   
  
It was only a matter of seconds before Subaru tripped among his own feet and hit the snow on his elbows and chest. He looked up eyeing the snow and then blinked. He didn't say anything but he had a strange feeling of deja vu. He hadn't been so clutsy as to fall over as of late, and doing so had surprised him, and Fuuma, who was standing near the large Sakura, laughing. Subaru sat up, "What do you want?" Fuuma blinked, then stopped laughing, but was unable to surpress his grin. Subaru was probably the most unintentionally funny person he had ever met. "You've made your choice, correct?" he asked softly, walking to Subaru. He offered his hand to the onmyouji, smiling almost too kindly for Subaru's comfort--but he took his hand and climbed to his feet again. "Perhaps, why are you so curious?" He seemed very interested, and Subaru wanted to know why. "I'm just wondering what Seishirou would do in your shoes," Fuuma replied. Subaru blinked a couple times. He hadn't thought of that. "I.. I don't know," he heard himself reply, staring at the snow. He had originally decided to end the Sakurazukamori assassin organization with himself, because he didn't want to kill. Now he wasn't so sure. "Well, neither do I. You knew him much better then I did, so I thought I'd ask you. Wouldn't you probably do what he would have done?" Fuuma sounded sort of mocking but interested at once. Subaru shrugged a little. It was true, he would probably do what he thought Seishirou would do. A habit he had formed when trying to get Seishirou to kill him. He half-wondered if he'd ever break that habit.   
  
Subaru started to turn away, as if to walk off when he spotted Sorata approaching. He blinked a couple times. "Sorata?" he asked confused. Sorata looked upset, but didn't stop from being his usual bold self, and walked right up to Subaru. "I was just curious, Subaru, don't you find it slightly strange that, say, a former Ten no Ryuu, would be associating with.." he thumbed at Fuuma to make his point. Subaru turned his head, "Are you assuming?" he didn't need to add anymore, he knew Sorata understood. "To be quite frank, yes, I am," Sorata replied, narrowing his eyes. Fuuma burst out laughing. "Well if Subaru did betray you, as you assume, what would you do?" he asked, amused. Subaru narrowed his eyes slightly at Fuuma. He hadn't betrayed anyone. Not yet, at least. "I'd beg and plead with someone else to tell Kamui, because I'd rather him not maul me in disbelief," Sorata replied bluntly. Subaru started cracking up, and Sorata turned to him. "I don't see what's so funny," he remarked.   
  
Fuuma smiled a bit, "Well, Subaru has actually got a choice---take Seishirou's place, or fall out of the war completely. I don't think he's decided yet.." he eyed Subaru who was rolling around in the snow laughing hard, "and to be quite frank, I don't see what's so funny either." Sorata poked Subaru with his shoe, and blinked. Subaru grinned, "I got a mental picture of Kamui strangling Sorata and no one coming to his," he stopped to laugh a bit more, "aid!" Fuuma snickered a little. The thought of that was kind of funny. Sorata scowled. "Arashi would!" he hissed, glaring at Subaru. Subaru started laughing harder, "She'd probably be cheering on Kamui!"   
  
Sorata scowled a little but didn't bother replying. "Well, when you decide, you yourself can tell Kamui.." he began and blinked when Subaru suddenly quit laughing. "Who says I haven't decided?" he remarked slightly, narrowing his mis-matched eyes. "The Chi no Ryuu's 'Kamui' did," Sorata replied blankly. Subaru narrowed his eyes more, "He's not me. I've decided," he hissed, aggrivated. In truth, he hadn't, but he wanted to seem like he did. He also had just realized he'd prefer to take Seishirou's spot and fulfill what Seishirou was going to do, then live his life blankly in misery. "Oh?" Fuuma purred, having caught on a little too quick for Subaru's comfort. Sorata frowned a little. "You're going with them," he replied almost sadly. Subaru sighed and looked away. "I'd rather live my life trying to complete Seishirou-san's mission then live my life with no purpose and be miserable. I'd rather end it all.." he replied softly, in a melody. Sorata sighed, "Well I can tell Kamui that.. but he's going to still be hurt, Subaru," he nodded a little.   
  
Subaru slightly dropped his head. He knew it would hurt Kamui bad, was he supposed to pretend he didn't? He sighed a little and turned to Sorata. "What am I supposed to say?" he asked calmly. He didn't know how to reply. He knew Kamui would be hurt, he knew he would be the one to cause that pain, but he wasn't going to sacrifice his own happiness, he couldn't do that anymore. He had to try to make himself happy. "At least," he thought to himself, "that would make Kamui happy as well."   
  
Sorata shook his head and walked a few steps away, replying faintly. "Say nothing at all, Subaru.. but next time we meet, one of us will die," he whispered, and Subaru winced. That hurt, bad. He felt like he had been stabbed in the back again. But he knew it was he who had been doing the stabbing this time, and he turned his head down. At least he wouldn't have to live on and be miserable much longer, if things stayed this way. He looked down, feeling like a part of him had just died, all over again. Fuuma put a hand on his shoulder, almost sympathetically, "Subaru, go get some rest. You look pale." Subaru winced a little more, "My shoulder's injured." Fuuma nodded. Yuuto had informed him, along with whinning about how "feminine" that Subaru was.   
  
Subaru started off, and walked down the street. "I don't know what to do.." he whispered to himself, walking through the snow. His eyes started to tear up but he bit his lip. He never liked making others feel bad, it was against his nature. He suddenly understood what Seishirou had meant by, "You're very kind," and he frowned. "Kindness could be it's own lethal injection," he thought to himself, and stared at the snow. He sighed, and slipped around to his apartment, entering and shutting the door almost subconsciously, then fell against his bed. "Hokuto-chan, what would you do?" he thought to himself, staring at the roof. He knew she would never support his decision. He wondered if Seishirou would, and he turned over on his side. Closing his eyes, he felt a tear escape his eyes. For the first time since Seishirou's death, the full impact of his loneliness had struck him. For the first time in his entire life, he was completely, and entirely alone. He fell asleep, sobbing softly against his pillow. 


	3. Chapter 3~ Who Are You

The Tragedy- Who We Are Inside---Part 3 

**who we are inside**

  
  
_"Who Are You?"~_   
  
"I swear, they were talking right here!" Sorata announced, pointing at the large Sakura Barrow, whose branches were waving slightly in the wind. In the tree, Subaru sat perched, watching the events below. It had been three days since Sorata and he had spoken, and it was approaching New Years. He started to wonder how he'd spend it. He shrugged it off, as more interesting thoughts would arise from what was taken place below his perch. "I can't believe Subaru would betray us," Yuzuriha whispered, eyeing Kamui who seemed very calm. As if he expected this. "I can," he whispered softly, his white shirt billowing in the slight breeze. Subaru was very interested now, as he had expected Kamui to be in total disbelief not utter acceptance. Perhaps there was more to the boy then he let on. "How can you accept it so easily, Kamui?" Arashi asked, and Seiichirou and Karen nodded in agreement. They, too, wanted to know. "Because Subaru is here, and he isn't denying it," Kamui replied, turning to the now shocked Ten no Ryuu.   
  
"Subaru? You're here?" Arashi asked, looking around. Subaru hopped out of the tree and landed on one knee. Might as well not pretend to be oblivious anymore. Kamui turned to Subaru, his eyes filled with hurt, but his face expressionless. So Kamui was going to play the 'I-don't-care' game, was he? Two could play that. "Well, I think Kamui made it a little obvious, now didn't he? Why are you at the Sakura Barrow, discussing my betrayal?" Subaru sounded annoyed. Yuzuriha looked away and Karen hugged her. "How could you?" Seiichirou asked, and Subaru shrugged his shoulders slightly. "Ask Kamui, he has all the answers as of late," Subaru replied cynically. Kamui's eyes flashed painfully and he looked away. So the boy was sensitive to Subaru's betrayal, afterall. "Why don't you tell us?" Karen asked, eyeing Subaru a bit.   
  
"Fine, as you wish. After Seishirou-san's death, I became Sakurazukamori. I was also approached by the Chi no Ryuu's 'Kamui' who told me that Seishirou wanted the damage on my eye undone, so when we left Rainbow Bridge, he went in and got Seishirou's body. He took Seishirou's eye, and he gave it to me, and told me if I used it, I would inherit Seishirou's powers. That would make me a Chi no Ryuu. I had the choice, to use it or not to. I chose to use it, and to do what Seishirou wanted to do before he died," up until that point, Subaru had kept his head down, but at that point he looked up. Sure enough, one eye was honey brown, and the other Subaru's natural emerald. Kamui turned back to Subaru, his violet eyes on the verge of tears. "Did you stop to think how much pain you'd cause Kamui!?" Yuzuriha hissed accusingly. "I knew he'd suffer. But I can't put anyone before myself anymore," Subaru admitted, running one hand through his hair. The sakurazukamori star on his hand shone softly, standing out in the slight shadow created by the Sakura Barrow.   
  
Kamui blinked softly, eyeing the inverted pentagram on Subaru's hands. He sighed softly, and looked away again. Subaru eyed him, making finger motions to him. Kamui understood, Subaru had told him to see him later. "I'm leaving, I don't want to be offended by your rude comments anymore," Subaru whispered, turning and walking away while the others whispered. Kamui watched and turned his head down. His arms were bandaged, and his white shirt was billowing lightly. As Subaru walked, he tilted his head down. He had seen the violet-eyed teenager look so horribly betrayed before, but he couldn't help feeling guilty. He had a job, and he couldn't change that. Not even if he wanted to. "Kamui, forgive me.." he whispered to himself, barely enough to be heard by his own ears. It wasn't until his tears fell onto his own hand that he realized that he had begun crying. He had always been a sensitive and emotional person. "Damn it.." he thought to himself, quickly wiping his eyes. For his sake, and for Kamui's, he had to be strong. He couldn't show Kamui how much the insults that were thrown at him had burnt. He couldn't let them know they had hurt him.   
  
Later that day, just after sundown, Kamui crept to Subaru's apartment. He was really scared, he had never been really comfortable coming to Subaru's house. He didn't think it was his place, after all, Subaru was a grown man and deserved privacy. But Subaru had asked him to come. Not aloud, of course, but with his fingers he motioned, and he could see in Subaru's eyes what he meant. So he knocked, three times, ever-so-gently. Subaru poped his head out the door, and opened it, allowing Kamui to enter. "Kamui, you know that I didn't want to hurt you, right?" he asked softly, watching Kamui stand in the center of the room. He motioned to the bed, "Sit if you'd like." Kamui sat in the middle of the floor. He noticed Kamui often sat in the floor and blinked a couple times. "I didn't think you meant to but.. what you said.. it.." Kamui lost himself in his words so he tilted his head down, closing his violet eyes. Subaru sighed, feeling even more guilty then before. "I didn't mean to upset you, I wanted to make you hate me, so you weren't as hurt by me.. being a dragon of earth. I was also.. upset that you were unphazed," Subaru admitted softly. Kamui looked up, his eyes losing some of the hurt in them.   
  
Subaru fell back onto the bed, dropping his trench coat off his shoulders then fell back against the streets dully. "I'm really sorry, even though that won't change the facts," he whispered, yawning a little. It was starting to get late now, since he and Kamui had decided to take long periods of silence between each response. The face of his alarm flashed 9:23 and he blinked to Kamui. "It's getting late. Do you want me to walk you back home?" Subaru asked dully, half asleep. He hadn't been feeling well, especially since he had stayed up the entire night before.. hunting. "No, I'll go on my own, thanks though.. talk to you later, Subaru," Kamui whispered, standing up. Subaru stood up, to see him to the door. After Kamui was gone, Subaru sighed, and locked the door. He wanted no disturbances this night, as it had already been a day of hell and he didn't want more things to screw it up. He plowed out on his bed, and stared at the picture he kept at his bed side.   
  
The picture was an old one, of Seishirou with clear glasses, smiling brightly from behind the Sumeragi twins. Hokuto had one hand on her hip and Subaru was standing with his arms at his side, smiling. "Such a happy time," Subaru whispered, staring at his sixteen year old self in the picture, "I was happy then... do I deserve to have such happy memories?" He sighed softly, picking the picture up. There was a crack in the glass, Subaru noted, gazing into the picture. He sighed, sliding his fingers over the thin glass before dropping the picture. It fell with a clunk against the carpet, and Subaru turned his attention up to the picture that he had gotten from Karen, Yuzuriha, and Arashi for Christmas. He looked down and wondered if he was even worthy of looking at such a thoughtful gift. He sighed, and fell against his sheets again. He felt like he was nearing the point of tears, so he buried his face in his pillow. He was determined to go to sleep, if only to escape the pains of being awake.   
  
"What would Hokuto say?" a voice asked Subaru. He looked around the blackness, where obsticles float, and blinked a couple times. "Who's there?" Subaru asked, wondering where he was. "This is a dream, you're asleep," the voice replied. Subaru swung around quickly to notice a man with long white hair sitting on a circular object resembling earth, that was floating in the air. He didn't recognize him. "Who are you?" he repeated, eyeing the man on the globe. "Kakyou. Kuzuki Kakyou." Kakyou replied, eyeing Subaru a bit. "You knew Hokuto?" Subaru asked softly, watching Kakyou a bit. Kakyou nodded softly, barely moving. "I knew Hokuto some. She was special, to me, and to you. She cared a lot about you, and she'd support almost any choice you made, Subaru. Any choice but the one to be someone you're not, and you're not being yourself," Kakyou replied, eyeing Subaru some more, frowning. He didn't like having to see Subaru, as he looked so much like Hokuto. They were twins, afterall. "You're right," Subaru replied, sighing gently to himself. Kakyou tilted his head a little to reveal his glowing cat-like eyes from under the mass of white bangs. "Hokuto was going to take me to see the sea before she died," he revealed, watching Subaru.   
  
Subaru blinked a coupled times, "You're a dreamgazer then?" he asked. He assumed since Kakyou couldn't go to the sea himself, he had to be one. "Yes," Kakyou replied blandly. He didn't really understand how Subaru had just caught on, but he thought best to leave it be. "Where are you?" Subaru replied, watching Kakyou. "Under the government building with the Chi no Ryuu," Kakyou stated softly. "I'm coming. I'll take you to see the sea," Subaru replied, nodding to confirm his words. "Why?" Kakyou inquired, watching Subaru. For a moment there was silence, then Subaru spoke up. "If Hokuto wanted to do it, but she died too soon to, and she died for me, it only seems right that I take you. So I'll take you tomorrow, but may I have some dreamless sleep now, lacking a dreamgazer as well?" Kakyou stared then disappeared.   
  
It seemed like a mere five minutes before Subaru's alarm, set to 9:30, went off. He had reset it, he remembered, but he wished he had set it for later. Oh well, time to get up and start the daily routine. Subaru started for a moment. "I have to take Kakyou to see the ocean," he reminded himself, staring about his large apartment. He grabbed a brush and ran it through his hair then snatched his coat. He wanted to get that done first before he forgot, so he headed toward the government building. It wasn't really a long walk but he was surprised to see Fuuma and Yuuto standing outside waiting for him. "Kakyou said you're going to take him to the sea, yes?" Fuuma turned his head with approval. Behind him Nataku stood. "Why?" Nataku asked. Subaru didn't want to explain so he shook his head and went in.   
  
After a long elevator ride, Subaru came to the underground basement. He made no attempt to scope out the place, instead turning to Fuuma with a questioning gaze. Fuuma pointed at a large bed, and Subaru nodded understanding. He walked over quickly, and looked down at Kakyou who was asleep. He wondered how long the dreamgazer had been that way, but didn't state. He poked Kakyou a couple times to wake him. "Kakyou?" He asked, when Kakyou opened his eyes. "He doesn't speak," Satsuki whispered, hopping out of Beast. Subaru nodded a little, and picked Kakyou up. "Isn't it dangerous to take such a sick person to the beach in winter?" She asked, eyeing Subaru. She loved outsmarting people. "He's wearing a thick kimono, he'll be fine, if need be, I'll wrap my coat around him," Subaru replied, walking past her. Satsuki scowled. How dare he try to outsmart her.   
  
The ride to the beach wasn't long so Subaru road the bus with Kakyou. He wondered why everyone seemed to stare at them, but assumed it was because two men, one looking very sick and depressed, on a bus together was a strange sight. He shrugged, picking up Kakyou when they reached their stop, having not spoken the entire time until then. "This is the beach," Subaru whispered, setting Kakyou on the sand. The waves washed up around the sand near them, sweeping it and its contents back and forth. Subaru sat in the sand and leaned back against his hands, knees arched slightly, whereas Kakyou sat on his legs, staring awe-inspired at the sea. Subaru smiled a bit. He hadn't stopped to think that this was probably Kakyou's first visit. "Are you ready to go? I don't have a lot of time and I don't want to leave you here, but I thought I'd bring you," Subaru purred softly, watching Kakyou nod blankly. He smiled and picked the light haired man up, and carried him home, the entire way walking. It had been a long walk.   
  
By the time they got back, Subaru was exhausted and so he left Kakyou without another word, taking the other man's polite nod as a "thank you" before leaving. He bowed a bit and slipped out again, ignoring Yuuto's taunts, "Girly man, Girly man" and Satsuki's surprised stare. She hadn't expected such a small man to be able to carry someone else for a very long distance, and it was certainly quite a walk from the beach to Tokyo. She shrugged, watching Subaru disappear into the sunset, after glaring darkly at Yuuto for his childish behavior. "What? He started it! Angst-boy," he snarled after Subaru's fading image, a few droplets of rain overtaking the blackening skies and turning the streets into black, swirving rivers. It was going to be a long night. 


	4. Chapter 4~ Regret

**Who We Are - Chapter 4**

  
  
Regret-   
  
  
Sumeragi Subaru stood behind a pole, eyes focused distantly on the trees he was facing, but his ears perked. He was listening to a conversation between the Ten no Ryuu, his former "team" mates, though he never really considered them a "team". More like a group of misfits shoved together to decide to fate of the world. "Sorata, I don't think.." Yuzuriha began, but was cut off by Sorata raising his hand. "Well, we need to find out where they will attack next, don't we? And Subaru would know, wouldn't he? So I say we send Kamui to ask. I don't think he'd deny Kamui any information," Sorata turned to a nodding Arashi to confirm. Subaru narrowed his eyes. So they intended to use his pity for Kamui, did they? The thought made him mad. He rubbed the gauze over his eye. He had recently had Seishirou's golden one put in to replace his glass one, and the area was still rather sensitive. He wondered if the pain was what made him so angry. "No," he thought to himself, "the fact that they intend to use me is what makes me mad. Do they think themselves so high and mighty?" He turned to see Kamui shaking his head. "I won't do it. Subaru isn't a toy, do you intend for me to treat him like one?" the violet-eyed teenager glared slightly, the wind blowing his white shirt and ebony hair lightly to his left. He really did look mysterious when the wind did that, Subaru confirmed to himself. Then, he smiled.   
"At least someone actually realizes I'm not the naive fool that I used to be," Subaru whispered, the wind carrying his voice enough for the Ten no Ryuu to hear. All but Kamui jumped, and Kamui turned to the pole. "How long have you been listening?" he asked calmly, not surprised. Subaru walked out from behind the pole slightly, coat billowing behind him. "Long enough," he answered. Sorata narrowed his eyes and Arashi streached her left arm out slightly, palm facing upwards, ready to attack if needed. Yuzuriha just blinked, while Seiichirou and Karen stayed silent, watching Subaru. So they were together again. Kamui looked at Subaru searchingly. "Your eye.." he began and Subaru waved him off. "Seishirou-san's. Don't ask anymore then that," he replied. Kamui sighed and looked away. Subaru's sudden attitude change had upset him, but he had no intentions of letting the onmyouji know that, if he could help it. He sighed softly. "Will you tell us on your own will, Subaru?" Kamui asked.   
"Why, right here," Yuuto's voice answered from atop a tree. Next to him, wires rapidly moved, informing them that Satsuki was there as well. Wonderful. "Miss, why are you here?" Kusanagi's voice asked from a perch on a bench, next to Nataku who was standing silently. To their left, Fuuma stood, smiling somewhat innocently. The thought of Fuuma being innocent sent chills down Kamui's spine. Subaru smiled. "You're not the only ones who can set a trap," Subaru confirmed, pointing at the Chi no Ryuu. Kamui turned to him, his violet-eyes wide and hurt. He wondered just how far Subaru would betray him. "You above all should understand, Kamui," Subaru said without thinking. He didn't need to explain, he knew the younger boy would understand what he meant. Of course he would. The two had a lot in common. Subaru sighed. "Seishirou-san, Hokuto-chan.. I miss you two so much.." Subaru thought, looking down at the ground, his white trench coat billowing a bit gently. He shivered.   
"Kusanagi!" Yuzuriha squealed happily. She was always joyous to see him. Seeing her happiness made Subaru want to throttle her. He narrowed his eyes a bit. Kamui watched him closely, his eyes threatening to spill sapphire tears down his pale cheeks. Subaru looked away. He couldn't stand to see Kamui cry, it made him think of his own pain, and loneliness. He knew he couldn't take it if Kamui were to burst into tears right now so he glared. "Are you such a child? Grow up, Kamui," he snarled, trying to make the boy angry instead of sad, but the insult was fired without real scorn, and Kamui seemed to sense it. Sorata did too. "You don't really hate Kamui, you can't even bare to see him cry. Who's the weakling now, Subaru?" Sorata teased, and Subaru turned to glare daggers at him. "Who the hell do you think you're talking to?!" Subaru replied without thinking. He had lost his temper, and he had let it be known. He suddenly had the urge to slaughter Sorata. Yuzuriha closed her eyes, and a cylinder shaped green light formed between her hands and she released it, sealing them inside a kekkai.   
Instinctively, Subaru slung five ofuda around Sorata, forming a star, then put his index fingers together, twining his remaining fingers together, eyes narrowed. A dark light slung around Sorata, pulling at his skin, cutting into the flesh to leave cuts all over his arms and legs, while Subaru glared still, stern in his concentration. Kamui couldn't withhold a gasp, but when he went to stop Subaru, he was pinned to a wall. Fuuma, of course, had caught him. "Do you think Subaru will save you this time, Kamui?" Fuuma teased, running his nose along Kamui's fragile neck. The smaller boy shivered and struggled a bit in Fuuma's grip, but to no avail. He was caught.   
Meanwhile, Yuuto and Karen were duking it out with fire and water, causing quite a ruckus inside the kekkai. Seiichirou and Nataku were fighting as well, Seiichirou slinging his arms about creating a large whirl-wind, and Nataku wrapping the other in the cloth he was often seen with. Kusanagi and Yuzuriha were looking at each other sadly. They didn't want to fight. Arashi jumped up, as if hearing Yuzuriha's silent thoughts, and started slashing her sword at Kusanagi's vines. The two began to fly around, fighting energy with energy. Satsuki silently told Beast to attack, and the super computer oblidged, sending wires at Yuzuriha who was saved by Inuki.   
Subaru's eyes remained focused as he stared at Sorata. "Who are you, Subaru? You're not the Subaru we knew. Are you doing this for Seishirou? But he's dead. Would he want you to do this? You've lost you--" Sorata was cut off by a sudden burst of energy causing his body to tremor. "What do you mean, who am I doing this for, who am I?" Subaru dropped his hands, releasing Sorata. He wanted to know what the other man meant. Sorata looked up, his eyes painful. "The Subaru we knew, would never hurt Kamui. Ever. You are not the same Subaru, you are.. a monster," Sorata whispered.   
"Let's go, the kekkai is falling, and we have what we came for," Fuuma revealed, holding up an unconscious Kamui, limp and almost lifeless in his arms. Subaru's eyes fell to Yuzuriha who was holding her chest in pain as her kekkai fell. She had wires strung throughout her chest. Silently, Subaru wondered if she'd survive. He shivered. He hoped she would. "I'm a monster, that's right. A monster who has nothing left," Subaru lied. He didn't understand what he was told, but he had a feeling it was right. He had become someone he wasn't. He wondered if he could ever change back into the person they had known. He silently hoped he could. Turning away from the scene before his eyes, he started off with the Chi no Ryuu.   
The walk wasn't far, but it seemed like an eternity. He couldn't stand to see Kamui lay so lifeless. So.. so hopeless. He sighed. He wondered if that's how he looked after Seishirou's death. "What do you intend to do with him?" Subaru asked, looking at the boy. "Well, actually.." Fuuma paused, then smiled ever-so-slightly. "I intend to kill him. Slow, and painfully," he finished. Subaru looked away. He didn't like that thought. Something about it didn't sit well inside of him, and he thought if he had eaten he'd have probably been sick. He sighed. "All right.." he replied, trying to hide the pain in his voice. He shivered lightly again. Something Sorata had said unnerved him. They reached the underground basement of the government building in almost no-time, so Subaru had time to sit down. He felt dizzy, and disoriented. Something inside of him said this wasn't right, but he couldn't figure out why. He turned to watch Fuuma.   
The Chi no Ryuu's 'Kamui' had strung Shirou Kamui up on a large cross-like object. Subaru wondered where it came from silently to himself, watching Kamui struggle limply against the stone. He suddenly felt an urge to pull Kamui off and carry him away. He wondered why. "Can't you let some of his wounds heal..?" Subaru heard himself ask. He felt a sudden sympathy with Kamui. The only person he had left to talk to. He looked down. "Seishirou-san, why did you leave me? How could you? I'm so lonely.." he thought to himself, closing his eyes. Fuuma didn't reply, he simply walked to Kamui. "Go rest," he whispered. Subaru looked up, eyes almost tear-filled. He nodded softly, and stood up.   
The walk home wasn't far but it was nearly midnight and Subaru realized his arms were covered in slight bruises, purpling by the night air. He trembled, walking with his arms wrapped around his thin figure, head bowed in the slight rain. He didn't care too much that he was wet. What worried him was the conflict in his heart. It seemed like he was always unsure of how he felt. He sighed softly, looking up at his apartment building. He climbed into his room almost instantly, as it wasn't that high up, or far from the entrance. Sitting on his bed, he stared to a picture on the floor. The Ten no Ryuu. He frowned, seeing Kamui's look of angst, so like the look Kamui had given him earlier that day. He looked down, then fell backwards onto his bed, closing his eyes, clenching them, forcing himself to sleep.   
"She'd hate you for that. Seishirou would too," Kakyou's familiar cat-like eyes flashed as he loomed over Subaru, telling Subaru he was in a dream. "For what?" Subaru replied, eyes still faint, confused. "For letting Kamui down. She'd say 'Did I ever let you down?' and you'd answer 'You left me' but she'd say 'But, Subaru, I am always with you. He needs you' and you'd look at her confused," Kakyou answered. Subaru blinked innocently, truly lost. "You are like Hokuto, in many ways. Not just looks, either. She watched over you, and you watch over Kamui. She never left you, yet you left him. She would be mad at you for that," Kakyou nodded lightly. Subaru jerked away. "Just leave me alone."   
The scene around him faded, and Subaru blinked. Around him was the familiar scent of the sakura, and fallen blossoms touched his shoulders and body, around his feet and faintly across the scenery. In the distance he saw the familiar tree, the biggest in all of Ueno Park, and truly the most magnificant. The Sakura Barrow. It was swaying lightly, so he started off toward it, blinking casually. He had never seen it in a dream before. He wondered if he was awake yet. He came to a hault infront of the tree, looking up at it. Something splashed against his forehead, and he touched his fingers to it then looked at them. Red. Blood. He turned his head up to see Seishirou's familiar figure in the tree above him. His eyes widened and he gasped.   
"You amaze me, Subaru-kun," Seishirou's familiar voice, his eyes staring down. Subaru felt the tears in his eyes slip down his pale cheeks. How he longed to grab Seishirou and hug him as tight as his arms would allow. He restrained himself, listening to what the other onmyouji had to say. "Kakyou's right, you know. You left Kamui. In response, you left a part of yourself. You lost the innocent mixture of purity and power that I fell in love with that day seventeen years ago under this tree. You lost the part of you, that made you who you are," the dark onmyouji explained, hopping from the tree to spread a bit of blood across Subaru's cheek. "Is that what Sorata meant, Seishirou-san?" Subaru asked, closing his eyes. He felt truly alone at that moment. "Correct. He's right, too. You know what you need to do, right? You need to do what 'Subaru' would do, not what I would do, or what Hokuto would do. You need to be yourself. You need to be Sumeragi Subaru, Subaru-kun," Seishirou explained. He started to back away and Subaru's eyes widened. "Don't leave me!" he pleaded and Seishirou shook his head. "I haven't, Subaru-kun, I'm always here. But I can't stay forever, or you'll never wake up. Good-bye, Subaru-kun," Seishirou's form started to fade, then disappeared all together.   
Subaru was starting to feel like Scrooge on Christmas, visited by Seishirou, afterall. He looked around the scene. It was no longer the comforting Sakura, but his old apartment. He blinked, staring about the room. It was so strange, to see this room. He sighed. His apartment of nine years ago. When she was still alive. He looked around, and had a feeling she had come, too. "Hokuto-chan," he whispered softly. "You know, Subaru, Sei-chan is usually not that sympathetic. Doesn't that tell you something? Doesn't that tell you how upset we are at you? And look at how you're dressing! And your hair! And you're so skinny! But that's not why I've come. I've missed you, but that is also not why I have come. You know why I am here, and you know what I am going to say to you. Subaru," Hokuto's voice was like a melody Subaru's heart had longed to hear, and he turned around to see her, still eternally sixteen, perfect in his onmyouji uniform, frowning at him. He wanted to grab her and hug her, but he made no effort to move. "Hokuto-chan..." he started. "You betrayed Kamui. How could you? What has happened to you? Subaru. I want you to go back, and I want you to set Kamui free, help him. Rescue him. Even a part of you is telling you to. Remember, we're twins, I can read you like a book. You want to, too. So why are you sleeping? Is it because you wanted to see Sei-chan and I? But we came. You saw us. Are you going to save him now?" Hokuto turned her head slightly. She was very angry with Subaru, but she knew she couldn't force him to do so. She only had one way to make him do what she wanted, and that was to make him see that it was what he wanted too. She smiled at the nod of his head. "Then wake up, brother, and help him. He needs you," Hokuto replied, standing on her tip-toes to kiss Subaru's forehead. She smiled sadly at him, then faded away. Subaru shivered, and closed his eyes softly, feeling the scene around him fade into infinite blackness, the closest thing to death: Sleep. 


	5. Chapter 5~ Rescue

**Who We Are - Chapter 5**

  
  
Rescue-   
  
  
Subaru woke with a startled gasp, surprised at the dreams that had fallen through his head in what seemed like moments. He shook his head and glanced at his hands. It had been a dream. . . hadn't it? "Kamui..." his voice was but a whisper and if it weren't for the fact that his apartment was rather empty, he'd probably not have heard himself speak at all. He shook his head, then shivered. Despite what people thought, from his cold exterior, he was, deep down, a considerate and caring person. And leaving Kamui in the first place took all the guts he could muster, and he still was silently cursing himself for it. His eyes wandered around the room for a moment, searching, then they fell on the picture Arashi, Yuzuriha, and Karen had given him for Christmas.   
  
Silently, Subaru walked over and took the picture into his hands. Despite how sad he looked, he really was quite flattered that the other Seals had wanted him in the picture to begin with. Especially since he wasn't one to talk much in group organizations. He tilted his head thoughtfully, eyeing the violet-eyed teenager whose facial expression seemed locked in pain. He frowned a little, "Kamui, could you tell, even then, that this is what I would do..?" he asked, tilting his head in curiosity. Some part of his brain registered that he was speaking to a photograph and that it wouldn't respond but he never paid that part much mind, anyway. He set the photo down and glanced at his white trench coat, that was neatly hung on the back of his door. "Gods, my conscience and I need to have a serious discussion one of these days."   
  
After snatching his boots from the floor and slipping them on, it only took Subaru a few steps to reach the door. He eyed the coat for a moment, thoughtful. Then he shook his head, snatched the ofuda from one of it's pockets and took off, shoving the white enchanted papers into a pocket in his black pants.   
  
"Going after Kamui?" Sorata's familiar voice chirped. Subaru turned to him and put on a remarkably expressionless face, especially for him. "Why would I?" he answered calmly. He had become remarkably good at answering questions with a question, a useful talent to have. His eyes wandered over Sorata's arms, which were bandaged from the elbow to the wrist. "Because, despite how cold you try to seem, and how badass you try to appear, you really do care for him. I came, because you can't take on all the Angels by yourself," Sorata replied smugly, satisfied with the way he worded his sentances. Subaru raised a slender eyebrow and tilted his head with slight curiousity. "Even if you could help me, I wouldn't want you to. In your current condition you can't fight, and it's easier to sneak one person into a building then two, and I'm skinnier and smaller then you. I'll have better luck on my own. I do, however, suggest you go back to Clamp Campus, and have everyone get ready for an injured Kamui," Subaru replied dryly. Sorata grinned. "You didn't deny going after him either. We'll probably need to have things ready for a certain onmyouji who is liable to be injured as well. Good luck, then, Subaru."   
  
Subaru walked away from his apartment building, not turning back to see Sorata limp off. He felt a slight hint of guilt ripple through his gut, which caused him to frown and hug his arms around his chest. He didn't really mean to hurt Sorata as badly as he had, he just wanted to make the other back off, of course, in his anger he lost control. He needed to work on that. Bad. He sighed as he stopped infront of the Government Building where the Angels stayed frequently. He didn't want to know what they were going to do to him, after all, Kakyou was the most powerful yumemi, and he could very well tell them what he intended to do. However, Subaru had a sinking suspicion that the yumemi had sent them all out, saying that there would be a kekkai to fall today, which would end in, no doubt, one being left to guard Kamui. This suspicion was confirmed when he spotted the Angel, Nataku, standing next to Kamui who had apparently fallen unconscious and was laying limp from the rafters that he was tied from. Subaru was almost disgusted in his anger. It had to hurt, being hung by your wrists, and bleeding.   
  
Kamui, oblivious to Subaru's presense, began to wake from his unconscious state, groaning at the blood dripping down his pale arms. He absently wondered if this was how a hanged man felt just before they tighten the noose. He shivered unconsciously, his arms at a loss of blood, and his face deathly pale from the cold. It was hardly believable to say he'd only been there a night. He looked up, eyes out of focus and his vision blurred. In the shadows he could make out a figure moving about, but due to his blood loss, he assumed he was delusional. Nataku quirked his head to a side and peered at Kamui in almost child-like innocence. "Why do you look so sad?" he asked, calm as ever. Kamui raised an eyebrow, but finding his voice to be working, he explained. "My best friend killed the girl I've liked since childhood, who, ironically, was also his sister, then he attempted to kill me, which he is still doing might I add, then I make another friend only to be forced to watch him drive himself mad with grief after accidently killing his psuedo boyfriend, then because of my stupidity I get kidnapped and hung by my wrists---which, might I add, are in severe pain right now---to be watched over by someone who looks my age but has the mentality of a five year old, and I can't tell if that someone is male or female, which is ever so disturbing. Then, of course, there is the fact that everything under the sun is hurting right now. Anymore questions?"   
  
"Just one, do you like your bath water cold, warm, or downright hot?" Subaru asked from the shadows. Kamui stared, his cheeks turning faintly pink at the sight of the onmyouji. Subaru snickered none-too-obviously then proceeded to whap Nataku upside the head. "What are you doing?" Nataku asked, calmly. "Your dad said for me to take Kamui back to Clamp Campus because he's complaining too much," Subaru lied smoothy, surprised at how good at it he had become. Nataku, in childish naivete, nodded in understanding and backed away, releasing the young Dragon of Heaven to fall into Subaru's arms. Nataku looked slightly skeptical but kept quiet. Kamui groaned and stood, allowing the blood flow to return to his arms.   
  
"Now, now, it's not good to lie to a child, Sumeragi," Fuuma's familiar voice whispered in a soft mocking tone. Subaru's eyes widened a little, but he didn't turn around to grant the Dragon of Earth the pleasure of seeing his surprise. In all reality, he had hoped that he would deal with the other Angels, but have their leader left out, not just Nataku and the Dragon of Earth. He clenched his eyes closed, and dragged Kamui away from the other two in a quick motion. "Kazuki, do daddy a favor?" Fuuma's voice whispered, addressing the white haired bioroid. Nataku turned, obediently staring at Fuuma, waiting for him to continue. Kamui kept close to Subaru, and both of them listed to the other two. "Teach the Sumeragi why it's wrong to lie, okay?" And the Dragon of Earth was smirking. Infuriatingly smirking. Kamui's eyes widened a little, but Subaru shook his head. "Kamui, you get out of here, okay? I'll be okay, and if I'm not, well, consider it an eye for an eye," Subaru paused, then smiled something close to a true smile, something he didn't do very often, "no pun intended."   
  
Kamui nodded softly, eyes still holding unshed tears and fiercely filled with a mixture of pain and determination. Subaru smiled a little at Kamui as he dashed off, then turned to Fuuma and Nataku, his face blank. "Now wouldn't it be a shame if your dear little Nataku became the Sakurazukamori? I think that would be interesting, don't you agree?" he whispered in a nonchalaunt tone, sarcasm dripping from every word. Nataku tilted his head, then sent a ribbon at Subaru, who dodged it with as much ease as a kitten pouncing on a mouse, and his facial expression very much the same. "I think it would be funny, to see the look on Kamui's face when his dear Subaru ended up dead," Fuuma commented absently, sending an energy ball at Subaru who barely ducked out of the way but was unable to avoid a burn on his left leg in the process. Nataku sent his cloth after Subaru again, this time gaining a slash of blood from the onmyouji's arm, but Subaru retaliated in throwing a few enchanted ofuda at the bioroid. The magicial attack caused Nataku to fall back with a few cuts on his face, and, surprised at his sudden situation, he sent his cloth out again.   
  
Subaru wasn't as lucky this time, as Fuuma had also decided it a brilliant time to attack, and, in avoiding the cloth he was hit by an energy orb that knocked him sailing into a wall. His vision blurred but he could see a form, which he assumed was Arashi, slice a few ribbons out of the air. "What...?" he asked in a quiet voice, his stomach torn open by the energy blast leaving blood trailing thinly down his sides. "It's okay, Sumeragi-san, Kamui came and got us as soon as he could, you're going to be okay, just hang on a little while, okay?" Yuzuriha's voice was shakey. She was obviously worried about him, which made him wonder how serious his injury really was. "What's wrong.. what happened?" he asked, trying to get his vision to focus on her. "Arashi's taking on the bioroid Nataku, while Seiichirou and Karen are taking on the Dark Kamui," Yuzuriha replied firmly. Subaru shook his head. "I mean.. my injuries?" he asked again, finding it to be straining to keep himself awake. "Your side got torn up pretty bad, you have a severe burn mark on your leg, and you hit your head pretty hard. Sorata, Kamui, and I, are going to drag you back to Clamp Campus," Yuzuriha replied. Subaru shook his head, his vision blurring more. Then everything faded to black as consciousness slipped from his grasp. 


	6. Chapter 6~ Party

**Who We Are - Chapter 6**

  
  
The Party-   
  
  
"Subaru-kun," Seishirou's familiar voice commented absently. Subaru looked around where he was. A dreamscape? He shrugged, it wasn't the first time he'd been dragged to one of these, with dead people talking to him. Seishirou was standing on one branch of a sakura tree, leaning against the trunk of it, in a remarkably non-chalaunt posture that caused Subaru to raise an eyebrow slightly. Next to him, Hokuto stood, latched half-way to a branch above her, and leaning over to peer at her younger twin brother. "I went and got him. Why are you here now?" Subaru stuttered, having a sudden lurch in his stomach which told him one of Hokuto's lectures was coming.   
  
"We're here to tell you how proud we are," Seishirou replied, busying himself with messing up Hokuto's hair, while she squealed as if the end of the world was coming. No pun intended. "Proud that I got the crap beat out of me?" Subaru raised an eyebrow again, then rescued his sister from Seishirou by glomping onto her, hugging her a bit. She just smiled and hugged her brother back. "Yes, proud that you got the crap beat out of you, Subaru-kun," Seishirou raised an eyebrow back at him. "No, silly, we're proud because you did what we said, and you were willing to be injured, just to save someone else. Always the kind-hearted one, eh, Subaru?" Hokuto giggled, and poked her brother, the dreamscape fading around them.   
  
Subaru's eyes slid open to see what looked like a hospital room. To his left he could clearly see the form of Kamui, head plowed down on folded arms. Subaru peered at him for a moment, then lightly poked the younger man. Kamui groaned and poked his head up, then his eyes widened. "Subaru! You're awake!" Subaru nodded a bit at Kamui then looked around. "Where..?" he began, then turned to Kamui, awaiting a response. "Clamp Campus. You've been unconscious six hours," Kamui explained, eyes lowering slightly, his face taking on a guilty expression. "Only six? Amazing," Subaru commented absently, rubbing his bandaged side. "You have a concussion, too.." Kamui began and Subaru turned to him again. "Can you tell me what happened, after I passed out?"   
  
"Well... You passed out in Yuzuriha's arms, I started panicking and ended up killing Nataku, Fuuma went back to normal after Sorata and Arashi clocked him one, the other angels have vanished off the face of the planet, and you've been unconscious and injured for six hours, after saving me. By the way, it's New Years. Not 1999 anymore," Kamui smiled a little, despite the fact that his face held somewhat hidden sorrow, but still visable to the trained eye. "Fuuma remembers, doesn't he?" Subaru whispered, eyeing Kamui, hoping for an explanation to the sadness. "Yes, and.. he.. when I'm around him, I tremble. I can't help it, either. I'm still terrified of him," Kamui commented, then leaned over to push Subaru back against the pillow he was leaning on. "You're still hurt, Subaru, you need to rest, at least until the party.."   
  
"Subaru-san!" Yuzuriha called, peering into the room through a crack in the door. Subaru looked up at her skeptically. "Are you coming in or not?" Kamui asked snidely, showing how tired and irritated he was. Yuzuriha glared playfully then poked him. "Kamui, you should go sleep, you're awful cranky, and the party's in three hours. And Subaru-san wants you to rest, too. Don't you, Subaru-san?" Yuzuriha asked, peering up at Subaru as if to say agree-with-me-or-suffer. Fortunetly, Subaru did agree with her, so he smiled. "Yes, Kamui, you should go rest. I'll see you later, okay? I also need to sleep, and frankly, you snore," Subaru joked, poking Kamui in the cheek lightly. Kamui rubbed his cheek, and smiled. "You're so abusive, Subaru. I'm going, I'm goin--ow!" Kamui rambled, feeling a whap across the back of his head, and shot Subaru a joking glare. Subaru just smiled innocently, and did a breath-taking job of it.   
  
"Oh, Subaru-san, I forgot to tell you, some guy down the hall--ah.. Kuzuki? Kuzuki Kakyou, I believe his name is, he wants to see you," Yuzuriha added then bounded out, dragging Kamui along who was complaining the entire way. "Kakyou," Subaru fell back against the pillows. If Kakyou was alive, and really did wish to see him, the best way to do that would be in a dreamscape, so, Subaru closed his eyes and slipped into sleep, unconsciously curling up in the blankets as he often did.   
  
"Your sister said to tell you 'I love you, and miss you', Subaru," Kakyou's voice was soft, and less bitter then it frequently was. Subaru was surprised to also see that the dreamscape of the sea had turned into sakura trees in a mild rainstorm. "Thanks, Kakyou. For everything. If you hadn't distracted them I'd probably be dead.. what's with the dreamscape?" Subaru looked around for a moment then turned to the blonde dreamgazer. "You like sakura trees, no? So, I thought, instead of the sea which I like, I'd show you something you like, and you can say we're even now. You granted one of my wishes, and I helped you fulfill a promise, and a duty," Kakyou replied, looking around. "Then.. we're even," Subaru replied and smiled at the other man. Despite the fact that they were around the same age, Subaru somehow managed to still look younger, but he didn't mind.   
  
The dreamscape faded and Subaru opened his eyes to see Kamui leaning over him with wide, fearful violet orbs. A strange thing to wake up to, but not entirely bad. He was happy someone worried about him. "Party?" he whispered, poking up at Kamui. Kamui backed away and nodded, pulling the older man out of bed, and out into a large lit dinning hall, to attend the party. Across a banner, five words in vivid red words spilled in cursive handwriting.   
  


"The World Will Not End" 


End file.
